STILLBORN THOUGHTS

                                 It travelled till the tip of her tongue. All she had to do …was utter it. …seconds darted teaming to form a minute and minutes began gathering themselves too…But it was like she was petrified at that moment….. her tongue turning into a stone . Immobilized. Moments later she realized she had failed again, she had swallowed those words …suppressed her thoughts….the ones she had intended to utter. Yet again, she had tamed her tongue…and tied her thoughts in the dark dungeons of her heart never to see the light of day. The strangled words buried like a still born child, lifeless. But was it always like this? Since when?  She wondered…… Surely it wasn’t so in the beginning. She a fiery young woman who had worn her heart on her sleeve and spoken her mind. But somewhere in those winding tunnels of Time she seemed to have lost her voice…Her assertive speech was deemed as haughty. It wreaked havoc in her relation with him.Her candidness elicited his staunch disapproval. Her words were always misconstrued and her intentions misread. Her repeated attempts to explain herself…to sort out the misunderstanding… were always derailed by his staunch refusal to even listen.The resultant acerbic arguments seeped deep corroding their relationship.

                         The rift in their communication triggered taunting thoughts on their relationship. Would a person who had enough faith reposed in her character ever misunderstand her? How is it some individuals understand each other without the need to communicate with words ? How is it with a few we can bare our hearts without the inhibition of being judged ? Conversely why is it a few others always fail to resonate with us and by default see us in a poor light? An individual who has a firm faith in our character and believes in us would not misconstrue our words and actions or seek an explanation for them. Should she even then ponder on the ignominy of a person not understanding her even after repeated explanations !Does the lack of such a fluid , lucid exchange of thoughts suggest the shallowness or rather the failure of that relationship? Were they simply incompatible ?

                   Hammered by the futility of communication ; nailed by the failure,  she grew reticent , seeking solace from those verbal battles and spats . Eventually she turned stoic, resolving to wear silence as her armour. Honesty wasn’t always the best policy ; at times it was better off hibernating. She now was callous and placid; though at times she simmered and boiled beneath. She never stoked the fire rather she doused it with her coldness; muffled her thoughts and sedated her tongue….Some things are better left unsaid.

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